46 posts from November 2008

At work. With my nosey ass co-worker.  I wont even go into the details because its technical work stuff.  But hes a big baby and always crying the victim.

So  I was not having that.  It's the second time this year I have lost my temper.  I have leared to keep a strong hold on it because the anger boils up so bad inside me I lose all self control.  When I was younger  I was so angy I punched the windshield of my car.  Ended up cracking it to.  Shame.

But I was so loud and furious my bosses boss comes out the office to find out what's going on after the yelling stopped.   I was on the phone so I didn't say anything. But I went to his office when I got off.

I apologized and explained from the most neutral point on what happened. Not how I felt or how I presumed my co-worked to feel.  He said he understood and he never actually reprimanded me for yelling.  He even said he would not want to get into a fight with me.

I'm still hot because then the fool called me on the phone to tell me how wrong I was and he expected more from me.  Hey I am willing to have a conversation with you about the situation but I WILL NOT have you trying to put me down.  So I hung up on him. 

Needless to say the whole thing is the talk of the office and most people are saying I am right because they know how he is. I come to work and for the most part mind my business.  But I am not one to mess with.  I think everyone knows that now.

So my nosey co-worker just caught an attitude and asked why is it okay for me to be nosey but when it's him we get on his case and tease him.

I told him he was being sensitive and to get over it.

But I thought about it for a minute.

Men are normally aloof to what is going on with women around them.  They often think we chat and gossip too much. So a man that chats and gossips as well...is well..... kind of weird.

Also his nosiness is ammunition to gossip. Like he is known for spreading peoples business. And a man that gossips and spreads other people's business...is well... just plain unattractive.

And in terms of me being nosey I don't do it to gossip. I often do it to supply some additional information or solution, or because I maybe have experienced something someone is talking about. Not because I NEED to know what is going on and be in everything.  But I can be nosey and I will admit it when I am..  Three of us could be talking and I will say soemthing, he will stand up say "what happpened?" and were like where did you come from?. He'll say soemthing like "oh I though I heard my name." Whatever dude!!!

Thats so wack!!!!

A definition of accept is to give admittance or approval to. I don't need you to approve of me and the person that I am.

But I do need you to respect me.

A definition of respect is to refrain from interfering with.

I do not need you to accept the things about me that you say you don't like.  Its okay really.  But as two people in this world possibly sharing some type of space I need you to respect that I am who I am. 

I think if people understood this more we would do better with each other. 

I take this same position with feelings and I feel very strongly about it.

You do not have to agree with how I feel.  You don't even have to like how I feel.  But respect the fact that I feel that way.

Often when someone says "I am hurt by something you did", the first reaction is "well I didn't mean to hurt you."  And this may be true.  But you have to respect the fact that I was hurt.  By being sorry and I mean genuine sorry that I am hurt, does not make you wrong or silently admit fault on your part.  It just says that my feelings are important to you and you acknowledge that.  Its not about being sorry that you did something, its about for a minute and no matter how irrational, you are sorry I felt that way, that I felt some sort of pain.

It's really about communcating and understanding who we are as individuals.  Feelings are often irrational.   Then you sit down and talk about things to get a clear picture and quiet those irrational feelings.  Feelings are impulsive.  They are immediate reactions to something.  The fact that we can sit down and figure things out moves us beyond our feelings. Same thing about who we are.  Some many elements in life try to define who we are, and people fall into that.  Fat people are lazy. Blondes are dumb. Emotional men are weak. And yea you don't have to like fat people, or blondes and emotional men. (which may be based on your owned screwed up judgements) But they are human and deserve respect.    

I love Fridays because I know I can go home from work and chill and I don't have to worry about getting up early the next day.  I am a home body, but now that its cold outside you can forget me going anywhere!!!

I think I am going to try to light a fire in the fireplace for the first time since I been in Georgia. I used to dream about having a fireplace where I lived so I can light a fire and just chill.  Well its not all that is cracked up to be and I never have indulged in it. Now that I think about it I am not even sure I have something to put the logs on. I know I don't have a poker or anything of that nature and I would have to buy some wood.

Ok so maybe the fire is not happening. It was a fun thought for a minute.

I may have to indulge in Floyd's suggestion of some hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. HMMMMM!  That I can do!

Happy Friday!!!!

Show us your favorite YouTube video.

I had to do it.

I have an enormous gift of leading people to believe I am very unaware.

Why?

Because people are funny.  I often say I will change my ways and then someone pisses me off.

They piss me off because I don't need you to do my any favors. For real.  I don't need false promises and I don't need you to act like I am the best thing since slice bread.  Don't feed me some bull and then when I bring it to your attention you give me some sob story.  I bring it to your attention not so you can offer me an explanation, but so you know I am not as "unaware" as you think I am.

For example, I gave my number to this guy, not because I want him to call me out of some desire, but because he seemed cool, and I at times have functions I can invite people to and I am all about the networking.  I don't give a rats ass if he ever calls.  I see him the other day and he ends our conversation with "I'm going to call you, I promise."

Dude please.  Its examples like that that annoy me. But it pisses me off when you and I have a what I deem a little closer relationship and you rattle off nonsense.  I repeat, don't feel the need to do me any favors, stroke my ego, whatever its called.

People will tell you who they are and I'm glad I don't need to spend my energy trying to figure it out.  Word.

So I wrote about the letter I wrote to the ex here. And I also didn't think he would respond, but he did.

He pointed out some fundamental differences between us that in his opinion drove us apart.  One thing he mentioned is that I am impulsive.

I didn't get mad at that because I know it is true.  I think back on certain stuff and realize that I acted off my "I want what I want and I want it right now attitude."  I used to relish off  "yea I always get what I want." And that's not always a bad thing. But when it happens without looking at how you're getting it or the result of getting it at that right now moment, then it can prove to be damaging.

And before he told me this I knew that was a characteristic of mine.  And I actually have been fighting with it for awhile now. The funny thing is I like to plan things and I don't like change.  So when the impulse hits me to get this or do this, I think well I am normally careful, how bad can it be this one time.  Well yea its never that one time.   

Anyway, I realize some mistakes I made and I am learning from them.  I often stop myself now and think, "wait, let me think this one through before I make this move.".  Sometimes I still do it and know I cannot cry about the outcome should it have negative effect on something.  But at least I am consciously thinking about things.

I found this on one of the forums I visit where the posted some entries from this site called Postsecret.

"Sometimes we put  up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down"

I don't know why I am writing this list. ahh cause I want to and it's my blog! Maybe its to help remind myself. Sometime the everyday life makes me forget.

Truffles! Thanks Chris Vaughn for bringing this up on twitter and inspiring the writing of this list.

Victoria's Secret.

Clinique Happy Heart Perfume.

Sushi!

Music

Candles.

My Blackberry.

Lilies and Orchids.

I think those are my top things. I didn't included places or events like the beach and a sunset.

Yay to favorite things!

Sometime I get mad because I want to have more fun in my life.  Shoot I work every day aren't I entitled?

So I thought about what I find to be fun.

Dancing is always and will forever be fun.

Listening and discussing good music is fun.

Traveling will always and forever be fun.

Learning and experiencing new things always sends me into bliss. 

Reading blogs, writing blogs, chatting on BB  and now twittering is fun. 

What do you do that is fun? Is it always fun? Do you make it a point to take on thing you find fun and make it a mandatory to do every day?